Vocation talk with Scott. Followed by personal reflection on the balcony at St. Malo's. "Here I am, Lord. I'm listening." He told me that I wasn't going to be near my family. I didn't hear actual words, but there was a strong knowing. Legitimate? You may not think so, but it was real. I cried on that balcony alone for a half hour. Rewind to the previous weekend. My dad dropped me off at camp after an evening out. We had one of the best conversations I'd ever had with him. He came to my tipi, we hugged, and after an exchange of "I love you," I watched him walk back to the car. And just like that, he was gone. I cried that night, praying someone would hear me. God came. "I love you," I repeated over and over and over. If leaving my family is what it takes for your will to be done...I'm yours.
The song, "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin kept replaying in my mind as I had fallen to my knees on the balcony that night. I am really tight with my family and until this past year, I was certain that I was going to end up living in my hometown after I graduate. Well, there's a lot leading me to think otherwise. It's a difficult thought to deal with. A conversation with another counselor later on that evening brought some peace for the night. The next day also brought a comforting realization. If I base what I do in life on whether or not I will be near my family, I will be limiting myself tremendously and will be taking opportunities away from myself for greatness. I love my family dearly, but if what God has in store for me requires me to settle a great distance from my family then I have a handful of life experiences that I believe have prepared me to do so. This past summer is a great example. I had been telling my parents, siblings, and friends leading up to camp that I was going to have the weekends off to come home and spend time with them. What actually ended up happening was that the weekends were time for all of us counselors to bond more as a community. I called my mom on the second weekend when I realized that's how it was going to work for the rest of the summer. I apologized numerous times, but I also told her that I knew that this was where I needed to be. The work I was doing was actually making a real difference in the lives of everyone that I was around; not just the campers coming through but also the rest of the staff. I think I can safely speak for all of the counselors when I say that we were all impacted by each other in an amazing way this summer in the way we treated and encouraged one another.
I've learned over the past year that saying yes to God brings pure joy in life. This doesn't mean that there are no hard times. In fact, often it does mean struggle. But what I realized this summer is that a long strand of times that I said yes to Him over the past year led me to the most amazing two months of my life. I can only imagine what He has in store for me if I keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to His will.
No comments:
Post a Comment