Why Worry?

I'm supposed to do a short presentation about my "Career Mission" and how to market myself in that career. Honestly, I'm stuck on this one. If you're like me (and arguably 99.99999% of university students) you haven't got the slightest clue what you want to do with the rest of your life.

It's definitely good to have direction in life. And I think that I am in a great spot. I'm not sitting around waiting for life to pass by me with an opportunity. I am actively searching out and learning about things that interest me. For example, I'm trying desperately to get an internship with a sports performance facility. Am I going to be in sports performance for the rest of my life (or anything of the like)? Maybe, maybe not. From a handful of very respectable people I have spoken with, I don't expect to get it all right immediately out of school. Through my experience, I have found that the only thing that I can do is make decisions based on the information I have. Pretty simple idea, right? Well, how often do we worry about things that are out of our control? I would contend...too often. Yes, it's important to look to the future and try to plan, but I know that I have had situations of indecisiveness in which I stayed on the fence between two options because I was dwelling so much on what I thought that outcomes were going to be.

So, in a nutshell I guess my lesson for the week would be to live in the present. Let tomorrow worry about itself.

My Own Path

I am going to make a phone call tomorrow. This phone call will last less than five minutes. It will determine the next two years of my life.

FOCUS called me on Thursday offering me a position as a missionary. I asked them to give me the weekend for final discernment. I have never been more certain of anything. One year ago, I never would have thought that I would be doing something like this. I figured that I would leave college, get a job and start living life on my own for a while. Well, there's my plans and there's God's plans. He seems to get His way a lot. His way is undoubtedly what is best, so I guess that's alright. It's definitely a leap of faith as I will be fundraising my living salary. It will be a great lesson in dependence on others. I know that I depend on others right now, I certainly will for the next two years, and I cannot see that changing anytime soon in my life. We all need someone.

My roommate just walked in and said, "Seventeen days." Seventeen days until he graduates; a looming destiny for me in a few short months. Life is about to change drastically. All of the people that I have come to know and love over the last four years are going to go their separate ways out into the world. It's no easy time. The world, as it is today, feeds into mundane lifestyles of clocking in and out of a job day in and day out like machines. There are two few opportunities (noticed/taken) to live out loud. I, for one, am determined not to fall into a monotonous life. If there is one thing that I can do each day to serve as a light for another person, a light that gives them hope that there is still pure good and joy, I am more than happy to do it. I will humbly admit that I know that I will miss opportunities due to self-absorption - not that I want that, but everyone has their off days and I am no different. I'm human. But I think that's what it means to have hope. I realize where I am right now, and I am very much simply content with life; however, the hope that I have is that where I am is not the peak of my existence. "Enjoy college. These are the best years of your life!" I certainly hope not! They have been formative, there's not doubt about that. And I will miss the many memories which have come out of my time here, but I am simply turning the pages to a new chapter in which new memories will be made. Joy will continue to be an aspiration and while I will miss my college years, I shall not dwell on them so much that I miss opportunities to form new memories. Life goes to fast to sit around thinking too much about the way that things used to be. John 10:10 "I came that they might have life and have it to the full." That is a gift, and I do not plan to waste it.

So, the next two years, I will be sharing Christ's love on whatever college campus I am placed. That could be anywhere across the country. Hearts will be changed, lives will be formed, the world will be set ablaze.

Drop Your Nets

I like to consider myself a pretty spontaneous person. I do have structure, but I also allow for a lot of flexibility in my schedule. My nickname for this weekend - "Gumbi."

Over the course of this semester, I have been considering applying to be a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) missionary after I graduate. Tuesday night, I realized that interviews in Kansas City are the same weekend that I leave for Nicaragua on a service trip for spring break. Oh yea, I'm going on a service trip to Nicaragua for spring break. Anyway, at that point I didn't know what other weekend I would be able to go. The next morning, I got a text message from my friend Marcus who is a missionary asking if I was up. It was 8:30am. "What could he possibly have to talk to me about at 8:30 in the morning?" He text me back and said that it was really crazy so he was going to call me. The next second he was on the phone and he says, "Can you go to Denver this weekend for interviews?" I sat in silence for about a minute. "...I'm not going to say no." There was a ton going on this weekend on campus here in KC. Bible study, birthday party, fraternity event, service, my friend had two tickets to see the Broncos play the Chiefs (win!). I don't know why, but that afternoon I told him that I could make it happen. That meant that I had to fill out an application the same day because it was due at midnight, along with three references by the Friday. It was a lot, but thankfully my friends came through and got them in. By midnight on Wednesday night/Thursday morning it was a reality that I would be leaving for Denver in 23 hours!

Matthew 4:19-20 "He said to them, 'Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed him." That's exactly how I felt when I said that I could make the trip out to Denver. My decision certainly did not disappoint either. The Holy Spirit did work on my heart this weekend to the point where at the beginning I was only going to keep an option open for after I graduate; now, assuming I get the call, this is my number one choice. Yes, I will forfeit the opportunity to go on Survivor. In a heartbeat.
I met a ton of great people this weekend. I truly hope that it is not the last time that our paths cross. It was just so incredible to experience again a group of peers pursuing the same relationship with Jesus and striving to become great. St. Catherine of Siena said, "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." There was a blazing wildfire this weekend in Denver.

That's the weekend in a nutshell. Gotta love spontaneity! If you follow avidly or just happen upon this entry, I would ask for your prayers as I continue to discern God's will for me for the next couple of years of my life.

Protect the Dignity of Women

If you recall last week's post, I had been dealing with my own passive approach to confrontation. I had a dream that I was sitting around a table with some people who were talking disrespectfully about women. In my dream, I slammed my fists on the table, yelled that I couldn't stand it anymore, and stormed out of the room. It was one of those incredibly realistic dreams where it feels like it actually happened; consequently, I woke up very empowered, feeling like I had finally made a stern and firm stance. However, I couldn't help but think that that wouldn't be the correct reaction in that situation. Certainly, my passive approach hadn't been working, but was I going to get anywhere by throwing a fit either? I decided not. There has to be a middle ground. I have to be able to take a hard stance with a serious tone rather than in a joking manner without throwing a child-like tantrum.

I think that I found it! The reality scene was a little different but I was encountered by a similar conversation where the dignity of women was being completely disregarded. In the moment, I simply made a hurried effort at changing the subject. "So that robot that won Jeopardy, that's pretty impressive, right?" Success. That was only the beginning. Afterwards in the car I asked a few of the guys who were there what they thought about the incident. Though I was surprised at some of the responses, I was very glad to have been able to have civil, diplomatic conversation about it. And I definitely made my stance known in a very firm way - with a plan of action to change the way that men treat women (at least on a small scale for now). But that was exactly what I wanted. Effective change doesn't typically happen on a large scale right away. I wanted to start with a small group of men; a small group that I can try to influence who will then hopefully take it to heart so that if they run into the same thing down the road with other men, they will have the courage and the knowledge to recognize and put a stop to it.

Who are the important women in your life? How would you react if someone was hurting them? I present a challenge to any of the men who happen to read this. When you see a woman being mistreated, stand up. Protect her like you would your sister or your mother.

Passivism

I have had a nagging issue this semester. No need to go into details; specific stories are not necessary because I'm sure that everyone has experienced this to some degree at some point in their life. My passive nature has been becoming increasingly frustrating as I want to strive for the best, not only for myself, but for those around me as well. The main balance that I'm trying to find is bringing those around me up without coming off as judgmental. I want to inspire others to be there best that they can be.

It's really interesting: actually telling somebody that I want them to be the best that they can be seems corny and weird; I feel like that is common in society and yet it is so easy for us to throw out words that offend and hurt others. Why is it so easy for us to inflict pain on the people around us, and it is so hard for us to share with the people around us how much we care about them. Which brings up another point, what does it mean to care about someone? Does it mean that we just do whatever it takes to make sure that we're both just happy, warm, and fuzzy all of the time. Well, no. Not necessarily. Sometimes caring for someone means calling them out on behavior that is inappropriate or harmful. I want people to do that for me if I get out of line (which I know has happened plenty). It certainly is hard, but that is what this world is lacking - people who care enough to speak up and take a stand. We're all just taught to "get along" and "agree to disagree." Apathy. It's the worst thing that we can do to ourselves. "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Now, I'm certainly not saying that I want to go out and lay the hammer down on anyone and everyone who missteps. My purpose here is not to play the judge. But my purpose here is also not to allow the people around me to fall into habits and actions that are potentially harmful to themselves or others. Loving them always. If you happen to have a sure-fire exact equation for how to find that balance, please let me know. Well, I'm done preaching. Take it for what it's worth. My reflection of life experiences. Certainly far from an exact science.

Childhood Memories...Meet College Night

One of my favorite memories growing up was going to the pumpkin patch every year. A couple of vivid memories were when my oldest brother was learning how to drive and I was sitting on the tailgate of our big blue Suburban. He took it a little too fast going on the rough dirt road, hit a bump and I hit my head on the rear hatch window. (Surprised I remembered). The next one was a little less painful. I, myself, learned how to drive at the pumpkin patch. The car that I learned on was an F-150 with a stick shift which ended up being the car that I got to drive for the rest of my high school career.





















Well, this weekend held in store neither a tender bump on the head or any dirt road driving lessons, but yet another Halloween memory was made. My fraternity's date party was planned on the perfect night. Who knew that pumpkin patches had a college night? Discount! We did it all. There was a huge fire; we messed around on all of the rural equipment; took a really scary hay ride; and slid down the hill slides that they had set up. We even made up some fun of our own - a couple scenes of a horror film and a few trust falls. I personally capped off the evening with a warm cup of apple cider and of course...a pumpkin!!! Next on the agenda is roasted pumpkin seeds and an attempt at pumpkin pie...from scratch. I'll be sure to let you know how it turns out.

"Mary Time"

The story of Mary and Martha is one that teaches us how to find the balance between working and finding time to relax. Martha overwhelms herself thinking that she always has to be working in order for her time to be worthwhile. Mary on the other hand, spends her time in the story talking with Jesus. When Martha accuses Mary of not working, Jesus teaches Martha that Mary's time with Him was equally necessary. Nutshell overview of the story.

This fall break, I planned on catching up (and possibly getting a little bit ahead). Well, the body has an interesting way of telling you that you need to just relax for a couple of days. Zero motivation. Unbelievably tired. Instead of hitting the books hard this weekend, I enjoyed the time off and recouped from possible overexertion over the past couple of months.

I have pretty much been on the go trying to anything and everything I can to make sure that my senior year is memorable and fruitful. Over the last week or two, I have not taken the time to just relax and be. This weekend was the perfect opportunity and my body told me to take advantage of it. With six more weeks ahead of me with plenty of work to do, I hope to be able to find the pockets of time to allow myself to take a breather rather than stay in 5th gear for six straight weeks only to collapse for an entire weekend. It's an important lesson to learn. And it's difficult sometimes because personally, I sometimes feel like if I'm not doing something I'm letting someone else down. Yet another lesson in humility. I'm simply not capable of doing everything for everyone. I was talking to a friend last week and I had given her this advice, "You're not that important." She had given the same advice to one of her friends recently. It's funny that all three of us really needed to hear it. The important things will get done when they need to be done. In the times that we can't make it to spend time with friends, there will be other times.